Found this while shopping for cold meds...

Is there something we should know, Crusty Brother Smakx?
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Yeah, I take the product daily as a preventative measure, and things have been running smooth as a mountain stream, I don't lend my name to just any crap product. You can rest assured that any product bearing my name is pure quality through and through. I sincerely hope that you enjoy your next trip to the restroom, and remember, when you use Smakalax, it's almost like i'm in there with you.

Please don't poop into any tubas while using Smakalax! It just ain't right.

Bob5453 wrote:Please don't poop into any tubas while using Smakalax! It just ain't right.

This actually came up in a memo from our legal department. Its crazy that we live in the kind of a society that you have to warn people about everything. Now in small print on the back of the box:

"Warning: This product is not to be used under the intention of discharging into a tuba or any tuba-like object. This product may not be used in conjunction with a tuba or tuba-like object under any circumstances. Failure to comply may result in fines, imprisonment or death, penalties vary by region. Product should not be used in eyes, ears, rectally, or any other orifice other than orally. Product should not be used by babies or most animals, especially rodents or cattle. Product should not be used in place of deodorant or toothpaste."

I hear it may also cause sexual disfunction.
Is this true?

Osprey101 wrote:I hear it may also cause sexual disfunction.
Is this true?

That is a grossly untrue rumor being spread on social media by other competing laxative companies, this is a very dirty, smelly business.

The truth is that the product does have a side effect, sexual superfunction. In some cases people have reported their partners being "blown clear across the room". Here are some real testimonies from actual users of our product:


"I used Smakalax ®©™ one time after being clogged up major from eating nothing but red meat for six months straight. Not only did Smakalax ®©™ get me running like the old faithful geyser, but I blasted my wife clear out the bedroom window into the back yard, no foolin'!!!"

-Ray from Westport, MA


"Smakalax ®©™ was recommended to me by a friend, and I now consider that friend to be my best friend in world, I love him more than my children. And as if that wasn't enough, my wife was on top of me the other night, I climaxed and the next thing I knew, my wife was upstairs"

-Jimbob from Boogerville, AK


"My wife was out of town on a business trip, and I had been eating nothing but pork rinds and liverwurst for four days. It felt like someone had rubber cemented my butt hole shut. One dose of Smakalax ®©™ and i was on the toilet in minutes, the force of the discharge was similar to that of a fire hose. Once that problem was gone, I went back to the 'ol "Wife's outta town porn and tissue marathon", I subsequently shot a hole clean through my monitor and partway into the drywall. The neighbors called the police, it was the best day ever".

-Elliot from Arlington, CA

I have a really bad hangover today. Will a Smakalax make feel better?