A place to have fun ...Remember that !!

Welcome To
The Crusty Old Pinballer
Get Crusty

    Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Share
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Smakx on Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:02 pm

    Here are some of the things I've been working on:


    In the drive through, you order a hot fudge sundae, if they ask you if you want nuts, you respond:
    "Hold my nuts please".


    If someone asks you how far you drive to work, you reply:
    "I drive all the way there".


    If someone catches you picking your nose, and they ask you "Are you picking your nose?", you respond:
    "No, this is the nose I've always had".


    And finally, what did one shark say to the other shark?:
    "I wish I had a porpoise in life".


    These are all in their preliminary stages, I will try to bring you more if I can think of any more stupid crap I think is funny. You are invited to contribute your own jokes, or other people's, or whatever. Thanks for reading.
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:31 am

    Sumbitch...

    A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural East Texas.
    Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
    By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

    The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

    "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.

    "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
    "Yep."
    "Were there any survivors?"
    "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."

    "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.

    "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor."He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies..."

    lol!
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:38 am

    A man went to church one day and afterwards he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

    The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.

    The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

    The preacher said, 'No shit?'

    lol!
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:39 am

    Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

    After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
    The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

    'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
    'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

    lol!
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:43 am

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old tall, tan and terrific "hoochie-mamma" who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

    His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

    Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

    'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

    'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

    lol!
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:46 am

    Ralph and Edna

    Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking, hand in hand, past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

    He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

    The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...

    How soon can I go home?'

    lol!

    avatar
    wildman
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 192
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Location : On the computer

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  wildman on Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:43 pm

    Damm elton you a regular jonny carson cheers2
    avatar
    wildman
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 192
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Location : On the computer

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  wildman on Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:56 pm

    A man is at the dentist's for a check-up. As the dentist leans over, he asks, "Well... So you had oral sex this morning?" "How did you know?" asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist's perception. "Was it the smell on my breath?" "No" says the dentist. "Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth?" asks the man. "No" says the dentist. "Well, what then? How did you know?" asks the man, losing patience. The dentist says "There's a little bit of shit on your chin." puke
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Smakx on Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:29 pm

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Smakx on Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:25 pm

    We here at TCOP know how dangerous the world can be, you never know what kind of person you might run into, and as a public service we feel that it is important that our members keep up a rigid and hard core self defense training regimen. We realize that most of you will consider this a waste of time, considering the olympic ubermensch physique possessed by the average TCOP user. None the less we still ask that you consider adding the following advanced moves to your own personal self defense arsenal:

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    oooplayer1ooo
    Baby Soft
    Baby Soft

    Posts : 66
    Join date : 2012-09-16
    Age : 36
    Location : I'm the wizard of OZ

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  oooplayer1ooo on Thu Oct 04, 2012 5:15 am

    As my Buddy Chris say's

    HAHA
    avatar
    Rascal
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 407
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 57
    Location : Indiana

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Rascal on Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:11 am

    He forgot the grab the handlebar mustache knee to the face kick. kickballs

    Two Fleas on Vacation
    Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

    Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death!

    The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"


    The first flea says, "I rode down here from Mount Clemens in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

    The other flea tells him, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do: Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

    The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

    A year goes by, and when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death!

    The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"

    Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said: I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to a warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately."

    "Well then, what happened?" the first flea asked.

    "When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley!"


    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Grill Skillz

    Post  Smakx on Thu Oct 11, 2012 1:30 pm

    Get some grill skillz:


    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Smakx on Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:01 pm

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Some really nice home pc setups

    Post  Smakx on Sat Oct 13, 2012 6:23 pm

    Here are some pics of some really nice home pc setups, check these out!

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    The Monk
    Baby Soft
    Baby Soft

    Posts : 80
    Join date : 2012-09-19

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  The Monk on Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:29 pm

    lol fuck
    avatar
    Bob5453
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 113
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Ohio

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Bob5453 on Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:39 am


    WTF

    We aren't as crusty as we thought.

    lmao
    avatar
    wildman
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 192
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Location : On the computer

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  wildman on Sun Oct 14, 2012 4:15 am

    heartylaugh And here I thought my room was a mess..............
    avatar
    Rascal
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 407
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 57
    Location : Indiana

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Rascal on Sun Oct 14, 2012 7:06 am

    What? Youz guys rooms don't look like that? Shocked
    avatar
    The Monk
    Baby Soft
    Baby Soft

    Posts : 80
    Join date : 2012-09-19

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  The Monk on Sun Oct 14, 2012 7:43 am

    makes me wish i took a pic of mary's moms room b4 we moved, or some of my older brothers setups he's had in the past lol... fuck.

    I love the pic where the keyboard is a cig holder, and the whole top half is melted away from too many cigs being forgotten lol.
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    Miracle Weight Loss!

    Post  Smakx on Sat Oct 20, 2012 11:14 pm

    I lost 30lbs without diet or exercise. "Wow, how did you do that?" I hear you ask...


    [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
    avatar
    Smakx
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 156
    Join date : 2012-09-13
    Location : Straight outta Iowa

    The Wind of Doom

    Post  Smakx on Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:58 pm

    Beware the "Wind of Doom"...

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Tue Oct 23, 2012 7:19 am

    That explains a lot neatstuff




    I gotta try your diet too .... I suppose three days straight at a Golden Corral would have that effect, or an 80oz steak finished in one sitting and a few beers to boot ..... heartylaugh cheers1
    avatar
    Rascal
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award
    Crusty Crap Photochop Award

    Posts : 407
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 57
    Location : Indiana

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Rascal on Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:01 am

    Elton wrote:That explains a lot neatstuff




    I gotta try your diet too .... I suppose three days straight at a Golden Corral would have that effect, or an 80oz steak finished in one sitting and a few beers to boot ..... heartylaugh cheers1
    Don't forget, lots of oil to help that python out of it's resting place. Moony
    avatar
    Elton
    Crispy
    Crispy

    Posts : 150
    Join date : 2012-09-12
    Age : 64
    Location : Carmarthen, Wales

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Elton on Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:03 am

    thanks smack up some lube too yeah .... great advice thanks

    Sponsored content

    Re: Smakx's World of Hilarious Jokes

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Thu Nov 23, 2017 7:10 am